Who knows?

How much time I haven't come here, hmm?
Yeah, I was in a very distant world... But tonight I want to write something, in the same way that I like talk by myself. I know that I do this cause I hope that some day, someone will watch what I'm saying.
I can have a lot of things for to say, so let's for any part, since I don't know where is the beginning.
I feel like, I'm not myself. I've been thinking so many things... and sometimes, looks like that I didn't think at all by my actions...
Life is a crazy thing. You never know... You can just imagine, wish, dream... then get surprised, or disappointed. OR, you can just live.
I'm a teenager, I just turn 17, I should be enjoying the youth, but I chose a few things. Good stuff, I know, but each one has a path, and sometimes they cross or go in the opposite direction.
I tried to walk all the way, but I'm confused.
I'm looking for something to calm me down in the midst of this noise of the paths.
I want to pick up the pieces and fix this muddled head. I want to feel calm, stop hurting people, and hurt myself.
You know, the empty seems much larger and harder than the same filled. ...
I'm talking, talking, talking, trying to find some shred of sanity in my thoughts, or something to help me decipher the puzzle, but it seems to have a million pieces ...
I don't know how to find it, or how to solve.
I don't know. I wish I could know.
But in the end, who knows?